May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
