He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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