Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
