So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
