one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its not stalking. its research.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
