I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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