dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
