ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
