Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
