1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
