umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
