neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
