i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
