Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
