I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
