i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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