she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
