the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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