um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
