Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
