he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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