Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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