he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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