I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
