a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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