where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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