Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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