if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
