Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
