ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
