we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
