Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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