I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
