my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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