If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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