He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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