I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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