And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
