Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
