Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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