hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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