My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
