I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
