Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can't special order awesome
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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