Umm I'm too high to move.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
