Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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