I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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