I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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