I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
