we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize