He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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