I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
