Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
