No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
