Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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