hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
