ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
