careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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