I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
