My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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