Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
