do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
