I wanna bring you to show and tell
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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