i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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