he wants to bone in the snuggie
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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