You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
50% drunk capacity currently
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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