R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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