you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
